I was a little angry with God last night. Several of my friends are going through some trying times. Deaths in the family, overabundance of stress, life transitions, etc are bringing them to a point of constant turmoil. Although I didn’t blame God, I was angry with him for allowing these events to occur. As I was expressing my frustrations to Him this morning on my way to work, I surprised myself by asking “where have you been? Don’t you see that your people are hurting? Why aren’t you hearing their hearts?” The response surprised me more than me asking question.
“Kyla, where have you been? Why haven’t you listened to MY heart?”
In that moment I realized what I’ve always known but never understood. God wants my love and care just as much as I want his. He is experiencing trials and frustrations every waking second. He is watching people suffer with life all over the world. What have I done to care for God’s heart? In the same way that I want to encourage and support my dear friends through their trials, maybe God wants me to encourage and support Him. Does He need or want that from me? What would it look like for me to say “wow, that must have really hurt you to see her suffer. To see him in pain. To see them in torment. How you must be heart broken.”
The joy is that there is redemption for our pain. God did send Christ to save the world, and in the end, the pain and suffering will be no more. But for now, I will weep with Him for the world and remember that part of my responsibility here is to love Him by the way I love others.
On the lighter side:
My coworker tried to convince me tonight that the reason I’m “happy all the time” is because I smoke marijuana. I wonder what I would be like if I really did smoke? I had the pleasure of telling him where my true joy comes from. He said he understood because he also believes in Jesus. I just hope that one day this man will experience the difference between believing in Jesus and knowing Him! But until then – let’s just hope that he at least knows that I’m not a drug addict. Unless marijuana really isn’t a drug….but that’s a discussion for another day.