What a holiday. I am still waking up from the late nights out.
I can’t remember the last time I experienced such a gamut of emotions/thoughts in such a short period of time.
Anxiety/stress; Joy; Peace; Confusion; Hope; Pain; Fear; Anger; Heartache; Happiness; Longing; Confidence; Shyness; Wonder; Emptiness; Trusting
My mind has been spinning.
My heart longs for so many things, including being completely open/honest on this blog. The internet seems so safe sometimes. I don’t have to deal with immediate reactions or having to respond to people’s comments. Yet, I still don’t want to bare my soul for you. Sometimes, I don’t want just anyone to know the deepness of my soul. Isn’t that supposed to be reserved for my community?
Ah yes, community. That evasive “word”, “thing”, “group” that I long for and forever think I come just short of.
At the last minute, the Lord worked it so that I spent Thanksgiving with my kinfolk. Here’s some family history for ya:
My dad’s dad (that would be my grandfather) had 6 siblings. So my dad has four Aunts and two Uncles. I have never thought of them as my Great-Aunts or Uncles, they are just “Aunt”, “Uncle”. Well, their children, my dad’s cousins, are just known to me as “cousin”, as are their children and their children. Yes, we’re working with about 3 generations here. So my dad’s Uncle Bob had three children, and together those cousins have seven children. The family keeps growing! I spent Thanksgiving with this “branch” of the family tree and it was wonderful. I hadn’t seen one of my cousins since I was about 12. He now has an awesome wife and three kids, and they only live 45 minutes from me! I spent all day Thursday getting to know my cousins, which included story-time with three children in my lap. Moments not to be forgotten.
I made it home on Friday in time to watch part of the classic film To Kill a Mockingbird, and crochet a few rows on the blanket I started two years ago before my friend, J, arrived in town. She took me to see this great band that performs once a year at the Bluebird Cafe.
Saturday was a day full of emotions. Really. Packed. That is all you need to know.
Oh, and that I laid on a bed of nails. I feel cool.
Sunday was a day well spent traveling to see Ms. Smith rock it out on stage on the Winter Wonder Slam tour. She lit her mike stand on fire, ya’ll.
In college, I remember when a friend would ask me “what are you thinking?”, knowing full well that if I said “nothing”, that I was lying. I’m always thinking and processing about something deep-ish. My brain just doesn’t shut off. I can be in the middle of a concert thinking about how awesome the music is and at the same time trying to sort through what it is that I want to do with my life. Or taking a walk at lunch and thinking about how to approach a certain conversation, pray for a certain person, solve my single problem, is my singleness actually a problem?, finding joy in the small things, being angry about other things, how to take leadership, how to allow others to lead, why did that (whatever) go badly, oh that (whatever) was amazing, I think I just met Jesus there, how does Jesus deal with all of this, my heart hurts here, my heart is full here, i wish that, i hope this, i need to learn that, i need to learn this. I know many of you do that, but seriously, I do it all. of. the. time. I can’t stop, it’s just the way I work. I love it, most of the time. I process through life much faster now than I did years ago, which is a great thing. Especially with weeks like this last week. How’s that for cryptic? I’m learning, RP.
Today, a man offered to buy me coffee or lunch.
Today, a man selling newspapers offered to buy me coffee or lunch.
Today, a homeless man selling newspapers offered to buy me coffee or lunch.
Today, a homeless man selling newspapers offered me community.