Here’s to not having it all together

It’s 4:45 and I’m just now pausing to write this post.

I planned on writing it last night. At 11pm, I realized I completely forgot about writing. Since I didn’t have any ideas in mind, I just let it go. Today, I wasted hours of free time. Enough time to write chapters of a novel.

I posted on my facebook wall, “here’s to not having it all together”.

333/365 it's oh so quiet

Photo Credit: Flickr creative commons

I remember a blog post by a well-known pastor, about a fight he had with his wife. He boldly told the story of the fight (without specific details), and that as much as he loved his wife, marriage could be really challenging at times. What stood out to me from reading that post was his willingness to say, in public, that he wasn’t perfect. He didn’t use those words, but he admitted how easy it is to only show others what we want them to see.

I think this is true of humanity. We’re so afraid of what people will think of us, that we hide the ugly parts of ourselves.

We hide our insecurities. We hide our sexual brokenness (scandal, anyone?), our anger issues, and our apathy. We refuse to admit our laziness and our addictions. We hide our opinions out of fear, and conform to standards because we don’t want stand alone.

We do this out of a desperate need to be liked, loved, and known.

Somehow, this actually has the opposite affect (effect?) on society. Hiding our insecurities fuels isolation.

In other words, we isolate ourselves because we think it will bring people closer to us, but we instead become further isolated.

This is why PostSecret is so successful. People want their darkness to be known.

What if.…we practiced boldly admitting when we make mistakes? What if…we practiced telling others when we don’t “have it all together”? How would that change you? How would that change your relationships?

How would hearing YOUR story, help me?


Leave an anonymous comment, about the last time you felt like you didn’t have it all together.

You’re more than welcome to share your name, but I think it would be fun to read “Anonymous” by each comment. If you don’t want to use your email address (I’ll be the only one who can see it), just use mine. Kylajoyful -at- gmail.



  1. Anonymous

    This is anonymous, but it won't take long for you to figure out who this is. 😉

    Last week, I didn't have it all together. In fact, I completely fell apart. But, I think I needed that. I think sometimes we have to fall apart in order to pick up the pieces and put ourselves back together.

    Pam Slim, one of my favorite bloggers, wrote a great post a year or so ago titled "the grace in falling apart." I think there is so much truth to that. It doesn't make a lot of sense, but once you let yourself go, it's amazing how much better we feel. I think we tend to bottle things up so much that we need to be better at finding ways to "release".

    I'm not so sure we need to be completely honest about everything online. I think real harm can be done that way. However, I think it's utterly important to have friends, family and others we can lean on for support when we don't have it together. After all, no one has it together all the time. 😉

    • Laura Click

      Ok – that didn't work out so well, did it? The secret is out! 😉

      • kylajoyful

        I guess if you're logged in under any type of account, it shows up. Sorry about that, Laura. Thanks for sharing your story here, though. I absolutely agree in the wisdom of discretion (hence, the attempt at anonymous commenting), and that relationships exist so that we can support each other. I'm glad you were able to "fall apart" and hope that your support system will be available as you gather the pieces. I'm here! I'll keep you running….literally.

  2. justin

    ok guess you said something about a story, ok i have many stories. i will tell a story. what do you want to hear kyla? want one to amuse you? one with a way to teach ethics? how can i help you. give me a punchline

    • kylajoyful

      Hey Justin! Thanks for stopping by. Today's a day to share our mistakes. When have you made a mistake, or felt like you didn't "have it all together"?

  3. I was about to boldly admit a pretty big mistake, hiding my identity using the method you suggested. But even with that protection I chickened out. What I was going to admit might strike some folks as being no big deal, and it's very unlikely that anyone who would be truly upset by it would ever see the comment and connect it to me. But I still didn't have the guts to do it.

    So I suppose that proves your point.

    • kylajoyful

      Thanks for sharing. Dang, being honest can be more of a challenge than we anticipate. It feels so risky. We have to weigh the consequences of the risk. And once information is in the open, there's no going back. But living in secret is also risky. We risk not having deep relationships. We risk isolation. We risk the chance to help someone else with our story. I hope you will find safe people to risk with. You're still welcome to do that here, or maybe through postsecret?

  4. My gravatar will come up, so hi everyone! I've been messing up at my job. I mean, really spankin' blowing it. I take full responsiblity for it, and I just finished Linchpin by Seth Godin, so methinkest I shall create art at the ole jobby job. Another example happened a few days ago. My brain has apparently been a bit on the Jell-O side because I forgot to order ahead of time one of my anti-rejection medications that I HAVE to take to maintain my new kidney. The Lord intervened and I received my meds 4 days earlier than what I was supposed to so I wouldn't run out. Basically, I haven't felt like I've got it all together since July. But again, it is my responsiblity to get my grown man on.

    • kylajoyful

      Hmm…I wonder if having a newborn child in the house has anything to do with this? I think you can give yourself some space to transition into this new phase of life. 🙂 Thanks for sharing!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *